Are you the guy who is sitting beside the phone, rubbing your sweaty hands down the side of your jeans and wiping your forehead nervously?
Do you get a knot in your stomach when your mate says ‘let’s go out for a beer and see what sort of talent is around’?
Do you get tongue tied, do you clam up, do you look at the ground and feel completely stupid when a girl makes an innocent comment that may or may not have been directed at you?
Social anxiety around women. It is a crippling thing sometimes. But it doesn’t have to be.
Learn to deal with it
Firstly, you should research some techniques for relaxing, and calming the anxiety. Because really nothing will be achieved until you can overcome the anxiety and shyness. There are all sorts of ways to feel more confident, and really it is a self esteem issue so that is the thing to concentrate on first.
Here’s a tip, focus the conversation around other people. Ask her open ended questions about her life. A great way to get women to open up is to ask her:
“What’s the worst pickup experience you’ve been in”
If you do this, you remove the need for yourself to be the one talking and you’re put in the position of power so to speak. You’re the one asking the questions and all you have to do is listen and then ask more probing questions. This works wonders as it makes you the one that’s in control of the interaction, but at the same time you don’t need to do the talking.
Most people find it a bit hard to make conversation with others when they have first met them, especially with women they find attractive. It’s not just you who suffers. But the more you over think it, analyse it and stress over it, the worse it will be.
Try to chill and it’s not just you
The most important thing is that you are relaxed and not fidgeting with nervousness. Because in the end, having a prepared list of conversation starters is not going to appear natural or normal … it will come across as stilted and lacking in confidence.
Remember that women are impressed by confidence, and they also like to have a man that they can look up to and admire. Women also get nervous and find social things intimidating, so they will look for you to lead the way. This might be perceived as pressure, but take it as a good challenge and really it should be fun. Treat the entire experience as a learning curve, and make sure you keep a sense of humour because that is the most attractive quality of all.
Be playful
A good thing I like to do around women I meet the first time is always direct her to talk about herself. I mentioned this earlier, but this time you have to keep an element of fun in there. What you need to do to lighten up the atmosphere is to tell her. “Ok Let’s make this a bit more fun, let’s play a game, if you win I’ll buy you a drink, if you lose, you buy me a drink”.
That way you come across as being confident and fun. You make it easier for the both of you to open up and express yourself because the underlying theme of the interaction is that both of you are part of a fun game! By being playful you can also start teasing and flirting with women. In other words, you start acting like the person who you really are in front of your normal friends – no one has problems talk to their normal friends right?
You can also make up other games where the focus is to get her talking, for example:
“let’s play the talkative game. You have to talk about any topic I come up with non stop for 30 seconds each. If you pass then you’re going to be get a free meal, if you lose then I get a free meal.
You then proceed to ask her really strange things and bring up topics that she’s going to have no idea about like, “tell me the process of how nuclear fusion works”. By trapping her playfully she’s going to accuse you of cheating and then the flirting and fun will naturally continue.
If you’re wondering “how should I keep a conversation going around women”, then all you really need to do is remove yourself from being the center of attention and divert all your questions upon her. Make her the theme of the night and soon you’ll be flirting and having fun like no tomorrow. This is not only attractive for you as a man, but the both of you will have a great time!
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